Understanding the Neuropsychology of Self-Sabotage: Learn How to Flip the Script for Success

You know that feeling when you’re absolutely sure about something, only to find out later you were totally wrong? Like swearing you left your keys on the counter, but there they are in your bag? Or vividly remembering something from childhood, only for someone to say, “That never happened.”

There’s actually a name for this—confabulation. And before you panic, it doesn’t mean something’s “wrong” with you. It’s just one of the fascinating (and sneaky) ways our brains work. Here’s what’s going on, why it matters, and how understanding it can help you rewrite the story of your life.

So, What Is Confabulation?

Confabulation is when your brain fills in gaps in your memory with made-up details. And no, it’s not lying—it’s just your brain doing its best to create a story that makes sense.

This doesn’t just happen to people with brain injuries or conditions like Alzheimer’s (though it can be more common in those cases). It happens to everyone! The brain doesn’t like unanswered questions or missing pieces, so it steps in and tries to “help” by creating a narrative.

Here’s a wild fact: A 2020 study in Neuropsychologia found that this process is tied to how the prefrontal cortex works. That’s the part of your brain responsible for decision-making and reality-checking. When it’s a little off, even just temporarily, your brain starts mixing up what’s real with what’s not. And before you know it, you’ve got a memory—or a belief—that might not be true.

Why Your Brain Makes Stuff Up

Your brain loves a good story. Seriously, it’s like that one friend who can’t stand awkward silences and fills the gap with random chatter. It wants everything to make sense, so if it doesn’t have all the details, it improvises.

Let’s say you didn’t get a callback after a big interview. Instead of just saying, “I didn’t get the job,” your brain might create a story: “They didn’t like me,” or “I’m just not good enough.” Over time, that story can harden into a belief.

A 2016 study in Frontiers in Psychology showed that even healthy brains tend to reconstruct memories inaccurately, especially when we’re stressed or emotional. The stories your brain creates aren’t just about what happened—they shape how you see yourself.

Why This Matters to You

Here’s why this is so important: The stories your brain creates can hold you back. If you’ve ever thought, “I’m just not good at relationships,” or “I’ll never be successful,” chances are those ideas started as little stories your brain made up to make sense of past experiences. But over time, they can become the narratives that define how you live.

The good news? Once you understand that your brain is basically a creative writer with a flair for drama, you can start challenging those stories.

How to Rewrite the Stories You Tell Yourself

Here’s the thing: You are not stuck with the stories your brain has created. You can rewrite them. Here’s how:

1. Get Curious. Think about the stories you believe about yourself. Maybe it’s “I’m terrible at public speaking,” or “I’m always the one who messes things up.” Ask yourself: Where did this belief come from? Is it based on fact, or could it be one of those stories your brain made up to fill in the blanks?

   
   

2. Fact-Check Your Thoughts. This is where you get to play detective. When a belief pops up, stop and ask, “Is this really true?” For example, if you’re convinced you’re bad at relationships, look at the evidence. Did every single relationship fail because of you, or is that just the story you’ve been telling yourself?Use what neuroscientists call “reality monitoring.” This means asking yourself, “Is this memory or belief rooted in verifiable truth, or is it an interpretation?” Journaling can be a powerful tool for this step—it helps you see patterns and separate the story from the facts.

   
   

3. Flip the Script. Once you’ve spotted a false or limiting story, rewrite it. Instead of “I’m bad at relationships,” try something like, “I’ve learned a lot from past relationships, and I’m growing into someone who creates healthy, loving connections.” Make it real and make it empowering

   
   

4. Visualize the New Story. Neuroscience shows that visualization can rewire your brain by strengthening new neural pathways. This might feel cheesy, but trust me, it works. Spend a few minutes each day imagining yourself embodying the new narrative you want to live. Picture yourself as confident, capable, or thriving—whatever your new story is. Science backs this up: visualization strengthens the neural pathways that make these new beliefs stick.

Why This Could Change Everything

Here’s what I want you to take away: The stories you tell yourself are powerful, but they’re not permanent. You have the ability to challenge them, to rewrite them, and to create a new narrative that serves you.

If you're familiar with personal development work, then you surely have heard of Tony Robbins, and he often says, “The only thing keeping you from what you want is the story you keep telling yourself about why you can’t have it.” And honestly? He’s right!

So, the next time you catch yourself thinking, “This is just who I am,” hit pause. Ask yourself: Is this really true, or is it just a story my brain made up?

You don’t have to believe everything your brain tells you. And you don’t have to live by a script that doesn’t serve you. You get to decide the story of your life. So, my question for you is: What’s the next chapter going to look like?

Call to Action: Rewrite Your Story, Elevate Your Life

The stories you tell yourself shape your reality—but what if those stories are holding you back? What if the narrative you’ve been living isn’t the truth, but just a version your brain created to fill in the blanks?

Here’s the good news: You don’t have to stay stuck in limiting beliefs. You have the power to rewrite your story and step into a version of yourself that’s confident, fulfilled, and unstoppable.

If you’re ready to break free from old, disempowering narratives and replace them with ones that elevate every aspect of your life—your relationships, your career, your health, your happiness—then let’s work together. I help high-achieving men and women like you cut through the mental noise, uncover hidden patterns, and create a personal blueprint for success and fulfillment.

You don’t have to do this alone. Let’s rewrite your story and build the life you were meant to live. Book a call with me today, and let’s start crafting the narrative that takes you where you really want to go!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Melissa Z. White, CEO & Life Elevation Strategist

I wear many hats: proud military wife, mom to two incredible and energetic kids, former nomadic rock climber, autoimmune warrior, and open-heart surgery survivor. Each role and experience has shaped who I am today and deepened my understanding of resilience, growth, and personal transformation.

​As a Life Elevation Strategist, Certified Holistic Life Coach, Certified Health Coach, Certified Surgical Neurophysiologist, and NLP Practitioner, I bring a unique blend of expertise to the table. With degrees in psychology and neurophysiology and over 25 years of experience spanning the medical, mental health, social services, corporate, and entrepreneurial sectors, I’ve cultivated a rich perspective on the intricate connections between the mind, body, and achievement.

​For nearly a decade, I’ve been guiding individuals like you to unlock their potential and craft lives filled with purpose, joy, and fulfillment. Drawing from my diverse background, I’ve developed a signature 6-Pillar framework—an adaptable system designed to empower clients to create and sustain success across all areas of life.

Published: February 7, 2025

© 2025 Melissa Z. White, LLC • All Rights Reserve